Somehow, I managed to grow up to be three things simultaneously: a comics geek, a music geek, and a sports geek. Many people are one or two of the three, but I was wired to be all three. So since it says, in the subtitle, Music/Comics/Movies/TV/SPORTS, and I have yet to provide sports content, I will now go channel my inner Nostradamus and as I used to do all the time but not so much in recent years, and I will try to predict where I see each NFL team finishing in 2023.
Disclaimer: Do not bet these predictions. Don’t be a sucker.
NFL EAST
Philadelphia Eagles
Washington Commanders
Dallas Cowboys
New York Giants
Philly seems to have everything going for them, they’ll have to seriously screw up to lose this division. The other three teams are a notch below, but good nonetheless. Most improved: Washington. Dallas will disappoint yet again, and the Giants will just keep on Gianting. Won’t surprise me if all these teams aren’t at least 9-8.
NFC NORTH
Detroit Lions
Chicago Bears
Minnesota Vikings
Green Bay Packers
Could this be the year that the Lions actually are good enough to win the division? They’re certainly primed to do so, but if I had a dollar for every time I’ve seen some offseason hyped-up team get expectations up just to crash and burn, well, I’d have a lot of dollars. I think Detroit can do it, god knows they’re due. Chicago will be better, I think, as long as Justin Fields stays healthy and can get passes to his receivers. The Vikings didn’t seem to do much to improve their ghastly defense (and as a Falcons fan, I know bad defense, believe me), and the offense, minus the oft-injured Dalvin Cook, is status quo and a year older. They seemed primed for mediocrity. Green Bay is a big question mark, mostly because no one seems to know what new QB Jordan Love will bring to the party. He’s only made a handful of game appearances since he was drafted three years ago, and in most of the ones I’ve seen he looked slow and tentative, not promising. BUT, I do recall a Monday night game a year or two ago, I think it was, where he came in in relief of an injured Aaron Rodgers (or perhaps Rodgers had been injured for a few games and Love had underwhelmed as his fill-in, I forget) and it seemed like a light switch came on in his head. He looked very good to me all of a sudden. Who knows which one we’ll get but I won’t be surprised if he doesn’t show up his detractors.
NFC SOUTH
Atlanta Falcons
New Orleans Saints
Carolina Panthers
Tampa Bay Buccaneers
OK, OK, before you throw all those “homer” accusations at me, hear me out. I’ve been a fan of that team for a long time, and it’s been a really bumpy road. Like Dave Choate once wrote, “It’s like being on a roller coaster with a bad safety record.” But I think the Falcons have done a lot to address their most glaring weakness, their defense. If they’re not always having to play catch-up, they can use their potentially great running game to preserve leads. Also, in a short sample set, I think Desmond Ridder looked pretty good- or maybe he was just better than Marcus Mariota, no big accomplishment. I wish they’d added one other proven receiver; it’s Drake London and a whole bunch of question marks. This is still not a good division, so I say why not the Falcons? 10-11 games should win it. New Orleans is certainly more than able to hit that win total as well; but it didn’t seem to me they did much to make themselves better in the offseason, and I am no believer in Derek Carr, not after his last couple of seasons in Oakland/Vegas. Carolina has retooled but they have a rookie QB- they may not be tough this year but watch out in a couple of years. Tampa has simply lost too much without replacing, though I am not a Baker Mayfield hater (everyone seems to have forgotten he looked pretty good subbing for Stafford with the Rams last year)… I just don’t think they have enough firepower to be a threat.
NFC WEST
San Francisco 49ers
Seattle Seahawks
Arizona Cardinals
Los Angeles Rams
I can’t stand Kyle Shanahan, but the Niners are loaded, although they’re not as secure at QB as one would hope. Seattle looks like they could be a monster if they just get some defense. Arizona is a dumpster fire and is tanking before the season starts, but if the Cardinals are ablaze, then the Rams are nuclear waste. Nothing I’ve heard from them sounds good at all.
AFC EAST
Buffalo Bills
New England Patriots
Miami Dolphins
New York Jets
What? The Jets last? Yeah… but like the NFC East, this is a divison where at least 3 teams could make the playoffs and every one of the could win at least 9 games. Buffalo will be hard pressed to win the division, but I think if his receivers cooperate, Allen will get them over the hump. I never bet against the Hoodie, even when his team inexplicably falls into the division cellar. They won’t be dominant but I don’t think 9-10 games is impossible. As Tua goes, so goes Miami; if he doesn’t die on the field, the Dolphins should win a bunch of games. They’re still pretty good without him, but they are contenders with him. Finally, the Jets. They will be better, and potentially could be a LOT better. Rodgers will get his, and if the defense contributes, well, it wouldn’t surprise me to see them win the division/make the playoffs. The media will be gathered like sharks if the Jets get off to a bad start, though, so they better be sharp from the get-go. This is a tough division, to say the least.
AFC NORTH
Baltimore Ravens
Pittsburgh Steelers
Cincinnati Bengals
Cleveland Browns
The Bengals, I think, are due for some regression. I hate to throw Baltimore up there, I’ve never liked that team, but they’re much stronger than they were last year. The Steelers have momentum, it looks for all the world like they’ll be good again this year. I think Cleveland may have miscalculated when they brought Watson aboard, but I guess we’ll see. Here’s yet another closely bunched up division; wouldn’t surprise me if these teams finished in the reverse order than what I’ve picked.
AFC SOUTH
Jacksonville Jaguars
Houston Texans
Tennessee Titans
Indianapolis Colts
First off, Bob Irsay is on my shit list, and so is Jonathan Taylor (it’s a fantasy thing). The Colts will scuffle with no run game and a rookie QB, but if they can keep games close they might steal a few. I think Houston has really improved itself on both sides of the football; they may not finish second but I don’t think they’ll finish last either. The Titans, well, who knows what they’re doing, really, but I’m not so sure expecting another year of dominance from Henry and another year of competence from Ryan Tannehill is a recipe for success. Jacksonville is clearly the class of this division, and I can see them winning the AFC, despite Buffalo and Kansas City being around.
AFC WEST
Kansas CIty Chiefs
Los Angeles Chargers
Denver Broncos
Las Vegas Raiders
The Broncos have got to be better than they were last year, but I don’t think they have enough to unseat the Chiefs. The Chargers will win their share, and should be much better on offense thanks to new OC Kellen Moore. Vegas is betting the house on Jimmy G, and if he stays healthy they have a puncher’s chance at the playoffs. I don’t think it will happen, though- Garafalo is injury prone and all they have is a rookie backing him up. Kansas City will probably win the Super Bowl, there’s no denying those guys.
AFC FINAL: Kansas City over Jacksonville.
NFC FINAL: Philadelphia over San Francisco.
SUPER BOWL: Kansas City 35, Philadelphia 32.
Check back in January to see how full of shit I was in September.